Preparing for Parenthood as a Founder: Taming My Work Stress as I Prepare to Be a Mother
For those of you I haven't hugged in person, I have 2 events I’d like to invite you to!
The Present Entrepreneur @ Honolulu Tech Week (Sept 9 and 10) - This year I lead 2 sessions for the mental wellness track of tech week. We’re blending storytelling, somatic practices, and the wisdom of Hawai‘i’s ʻāina (land). Sign up for The Present Entrepreneur Session 1 and 2 here.
Outcove Retreat (Oct 2–5, Four Seasons Lana‘i) - My hānai (chosen) sister Jessica Mah and I are gathering 60 founders and investors in a magical setting that sparks real connection, deep conversations, and aligned business opportunities. Apply here or DM me.
With all these beautiful events I’m cooking up, my work addiction has taken hold of me again. I sheepishly admit that in the last two weeks, I’ve had a few benders.
My benders look like long days in front of my laptop, diligently answering emails, trying desperately to get to the bottom of my task list, and abandoning the activities that make me happy (like surfing).
Soon this feeling isn’t contained from 8am-5pm; my hungry anxiety starts feeding on my evenings and weekends.
I hate being here. I have wrangled with it for so long I’m bored with myself.
But this time, things are different: my husband and I are embarking soon on the journey of parenthood. (Note: I am NOT pregnant. But being the diligent person I am, I’m in the pre-pregnancy reflection phase).
Nothing like the fear of traumatizing your unborn child to halt you in your tracks :)
Now managing stress isn’t something that’s nice to have — it’s essential to my health and the health of my potential child. Preparing for parenthood as a founder means I can’t ignore these patterns anymore.
The Crumbling External Paradigm
I’m not the only one dealing with the need to succeed. Something exciting is brewing in the western collective: we’re waking up from the paradigm that external success will lead to happiness.
I work with current founders, former founders, those with and without exits, those with and without wealth. I’ve walked founders through the gates to $100M+ exits and walked others to the gates of bankruptcy.
The question they all share is: wasn’t my success supposed to make me happy?
Yet even after they have hit their desired “number” ($ in the bank) or business outcome or promotion, they feel…empty. Disappointed. It’s existential.
So what do we do with that? If it’s not about external success, then how in the heck do we become happy?
I’ve tried all the things:
Sold my business
Left the world of venture-backed entrepreneurship to become a coach
Moved to Hawai’i
But there’s one thing I haven’t successfully done. That matters more than all of the outward changes.
I haven’t dialed down the internal intensity towards work and achievement.
I joke that I still “CEO” my coaching practice.
The logistics are streamlined, I produce content at a regular clip, and I’m managing my inbox effectively. My calendar is well-organized and I’m timely, present, and directed in sessions.
But I still have the old success scripts guiding me like Adam Smith’s invisible hand:
“Good work should feel harder than this”
“You don’t deserve the flexibility you have”
“Free time means you aren’t doing enough”
“Make more money to save more money!” (with angry Chinese ancestor wagging their finger at me)
This potent cocktail of voices leads to me filling my calendar and saying yes to so many things. And then the time I have between sessions I move quickly and efficiently through life to feed myself, go to the bathroom, and answer emails.
And as I reflect on preparing for parenthood as a founder, I can see just how important it is to untangle myself from these old success scripts.
The Call for Integration
Yes, managing abundance is wonderful. But it’s eerily reminiscent of the style of how I worked as a CEO.
The question guiding me for this season of life is:
“How can I be present for my family while also answering the call of service and abundance at work?”
This is the battle that lives underneath everyone I coach. For some it’s not about being present for their family, it’s about preserving their sanity. Or getting healthy.
The way I’m handling this is not with balance. It’s with integration.
I look at this question as juggling two energies:
Energy 1 values ambition, wealth, and productivity. On its own, it’s frenetic and obsessed with efficiency. It engages in driving details forward and loves making everything it comes into contact with a checklist to be completed. Unbridled it destroys me.
Energy 2 values presence, pacing, and rootedness. It aims to be calm and intentional. It moves less frantically and more slowly. It sees the bigger picture. It values relationship over transaction.
I used to pick which energy I would inhabit based on time of day. Well, let’s be honest, Energy 1 would pick ME whenever it saw fit.
My work now is to integrate the two. I will not ignore the call towards service, which comes to me in the form of 1:1 coaching clients, retreats, and partnerships (like mentoring for the Blue Startups accelerator program).
“How you do one thing is how you do everything.” This Zen Buddhist quote captures the essence of integration.
We cannot wait for the exit to be happy.
We cannot wait for financial freedom to be present.
We must live with happiness and presence today.
If I’m ever to live with a regulated nervous system for me, my clients, and my family, I aim to infuse my output with presence and pacing. And part of preparing for parenthood as a founder is practicing this now — not later.
Manifestations of the Two Energies
Visualize a Queen, someone with self-respect who can sit in her chair and calmly pick her priorities for the day. She uses stillness as her secret weapon. She rarely rushes. And her approach considers the larger picture.
The Queen is selective. She has a lot of opportunities and shiny objects presented to her, but she knows that she has a finite amount of time to engage with them. So she selects the juiciest fruit for the squeeze.
This is the energy that I (aim to) start my day with. Calm selection. The dignity that I have the responsibility to choose well, not frenetically.
To move along this path towards aligned work doesn’t mean you hit the eject button on leadership and become a monk. If leading is your gift, the world wants you in it.
But the world needs you inhabiting your gift from a place of presence and vitality. To lead not from frenzy, but from wholeness. To model what it looks like to hold ambition and presence in the same hand. That is the invitation.
And as I sit in this season of preparing for parenthood as a founder, I can see that this invitation isn’t just for me — it’s for all of us navigating ambition, presence, and the very real demands of work and family.